


i don't give a fuck about my family name

by chrysostomos (nantes)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Edging, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26460412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nantes/pseuds/chrysostomos
Summary: Sometimes Five calls Diego ‘Hargreeves’.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 14
Kudos: 206





	i don't give a fuck about my family name

**Author's Note:**

> at 9am this morning i read [this tumblr post](http://achilleees-tua.tumblr.com/post/629202177766932480); now it’s almost midday and we’re here.

> (212): should i be concerned you put your last name in my phone as “danger”?

  
  
  
  
They're _all_ Hargreeves – like the Jackson 5, or Kings of Leon, they all have the same surname, but at some point, without Diego’s immediate noticing, Five started calling Diego ‘Hargreeves’.

Like when Diego agrees to go to breakfast with Five and Vanya, but doesn’t get in the car quickly enough for Five’s liking.

“Hurry up, Hargreeves,” Five calls from the passenger seat window.

Diego makes eye contact with Vanya over his shoulder. All he can offer is a shrug cos, yeah, that’s their surname but apparently now it’s just Diego too.

He gets in the back of the car without another word, ignoring it.

+

He slides the vibrator into Five, watching the long line of his body for response. Their eyes meet and Five sets the angle of his jaw, bossy and unyielding, every muscle in it daring Diego to _try_ and push him too far-

Which is the point.

It’s why Diego has his wrists bound together and tied to the headboard, the ropes neatly braided through the gaps in the wooden slats. (Five had considered handcuffs, assuming Diego had a pair from the police academy still around – he does but whatever – but, as the one of the two of them who has been arrested, Diego vetoed that idea.) Because Five had said, “Have you ever tried edging someone?”

And Diego had nodded, popping the p in his answer, “Yep.”

And Five had responded, “Great. I want you to try it with me.”

Right now, Five says nothing. He lies there, breathing and watching Diego, this beautiful piece of flesh in Diego’s bed with nowhere to go, legs spread and a vibrator up his ass.

“How’s it feel?” Diego asks.

They've _just about_ discussed Five’s inexperience with sex toys, talked vaguely about how it sits squarely at ‘none at all’ until Five went rosy across his nose and Diego knew it was better to change the subject.

Still, Five manages now to look unimpressed. “I've had bigger.”

Diego smiles, shouldering his way between Five's elevated knees, and says, “Good.” That’s all the notice he give before he clicks the vibrator onto the first setting.

It’s nothing to write home about but Diego sees the muscles of Five’s lower stomach jolt at the feeling.

He kisses Five’s thigh.

+

Klaus frowns, confused.

“Did he call you-”

“Are you coming or not?” Five suddenly says, appearing back in the room next to them.

Diego answers, “Yes,” to both of them.

+

Five bears into it every time Diego pushes the vibrator back into him. Diego lets himself watch as he keeps an almost lazy pace. It’s only been a few minutes, Five not yet close, but honestly? Diego could get him there like this, easy, no problem, but that’s not why they’re here.

On the next push, Diego changes the angle, and laughs softly into Five's hips when they jump. They jump again when he clicks the vibrator up another notch but he’s already taking his hand away, moving to sit up when Five responds.

“Where are you,” he begins. He doesn’t finish it, not when his voice breaks on a whine.

Diego looks around the bed for the lube, finding it near Five’s shoulder by the pillows.

Reaching over Five, he leans with his whole body, covering him. Five arches up, enough that the droop of Diego’s white tee touches his stomach but Diego carefully doesn't allow him anymore. “Hargreeves,” Five notes, returning his back to the bed properly, but Diego knows it's for show.

Almost opening the lube, Diego reconsiders. He stops. Five watches him. His tee comes off in one smooth motion, his head coming out of the neck hole to see Five’s eyes still on him.

He punctuates it with the snap of the lube opening. It's warm from earlier still, proximity, some minor science like that – Five would [usually] know.

Diego doesn’t ask.

With his now-lube wet hand, he wraps his fingers around Five’s dick and starts slow.

+

The waitress announces, “Hargreeves, table for two,” into the waiting crowd, and Five nudges Diego’s side with his elbow.

“That's you,” he says, standing up. Diego follows, stopping briefly to offer his seat to a woman and her son, then walking double time to catch up with Five and the waitress at their table. The restaurant is busy, luckily he didn’t lose them.

She tells them, “I'll be right back to get your drinks orders,” with a smile, and disappears immediately.

After twenty seconds of looking at the menu – he already knows what he wants, he googled the restaurant menu earlier, choosing then – Diego says, “It’s also you.”

Five ignores him, pointedly.

“It is.”

“I booked under your name.” Knowing Diego is going to have questions about that, Five explains, “It’s a force of habit – I looked thirteen for longer than I would have liked and booking under one of your names became the norm for a while.”

“You don't look it now,” Diego says, just a beat after Five goes back to looking at the menu.

Five lowers it to glare.

Diego just shoots him back a sarcastically charming smile. “I think I’ll have the tagliatelle,” he says.

Five doesn’t correct his pronunciation, too busy ignoring him.

+

The rhythm is nothing special, not too fast and not too slow, but Diego’s been working Five over long enough that he’s close; Diego can tell by the light twitch in his thigh. He moves his hand on the bed closer to him, placing his wrist against Five’s skin to feel it better.

Five wets his lips in preparation to speak.

Diego stops his hand on his dick.

“No,” Five replies.

Diego takes his hand away completely, sitting up fully. Five rolls his hips into the vibrator in a weak attempt to ride into his orgasm. His chest bounces around an inhale, flushed gorgeously, blotchy pink.

He’s already a mess and Diego has a way to go.

Lowering the vibrator down to the first setting again, Diego slips it out to the head, the vibration light but right on Five’s rim. Five's knees jerk in the air, like he wants to close his legs, but Diego catches one in his free hand. “Oh, no you don’t.”

“Fuck you.”

The bites Five usually puts behind it is missing.

Diego huffs a half-laugh through his nose. “Maybe next time.”

Three clicks and the vibrator is higher than before, skipping right over the third setting to the fourth. Five’s eyes drop closed quickly and he bites his bottom lip as Diego starts fucking him shallowly.

+

“Coffee, Hargreeves?” Five offers, holding the pot.

Luther, Allison and Pogo all look at him as he stands there, looking at Diego. Diego shakes his head, heading for the fridge for a bottle of water, “I’m good.”

“Aren't we _all_ Hargreeves?” Luther asks.

+

Precum drools onto his stomach, dripping down the lines of it and mixing with the lube. Sticky, messy, Diego wants to drag his tongue through it – even though he hates the plastic-silicone taste of it usually – and watch Five come from it alone.

Two more settings up and Diego’s fucking Five properly now. Five has tried twice already to spread his legs further but there’s only so far his body can go.

Diego lets the head of the vibrator drag slowly against his prostate just to hear his response.

It doesn’t disappoint.

Diego leans over him, the angle not great for his wrist – lube already makes the vibrator difficult to grip, but he leans in, letting his erection press against Five’s hip on the way. Five pushes his body into it, open mouthed moaning at the feeling. “Do you have any idea how good you look right now?” Diego asks, lips touching Five’s jaw.

Five's attempt to shake his head is aborted when he searches for Diego's mouth instead.

“What do you want?” he asks.

Five flushes further. And oh. _Oh._ That does a lot for Diego’s ego. Five’s deliciously red by now, overwhelmed, all but incoherent and completely Diego’s. He practically babbles, “You, want – want you.”

“You’ve got me,” Diego answers.

Five shakes his head. “No,” and he shoves his hips into Diego’s. “Please.”

Diego likes that. But-

The button on the bottom of the vibrator turns it off completely. Five fucking howls.

“ _Hargreeves._ ”

+

“Hargreeves,” Five addresses, handing over Diego's ticket. It’s mostly blue, swathes of paint Diego presumes are a close up detail of one of the paintings they’re here to see.

Clearly Five picked this date but Diego's cool with it. It’s been a while since he's been to the museum and the Impressionists aren’t the worst. Artistically, not personally; Diego has vague recollections of reading a book about them from Grace and one of them was far too into teenage girls to be trusted, and Monet – or was it Manet? No, definitely Monet – was a dick who stole the water source to a whole town for a lily pond.

He places himself next to Five looking at a painting of said lily pond. And a bridge. It’s green.

“It’s your name too, you know,” he says. They’ve had this conversation before.

Five bobs his head on his neck, contemplative, but doesn’t take his eyes off the art. He eventually agrees, “It is. But most people refer to me by my number.”

They move onto the next piece. More lilies. Diego likes the one with the bridge more. Maybe this one is at a different time of the day; it seems more purple. He looks back at the last one before returning to the one in front of him, then says, “It's our family’s last name too. The others get confused when you use it and you don’t mean them.”

Five walks on.

More lilies. It looks pretty much the same as the first one except maybe the paint is chunkier. Diego doesn’t know enough about art to say if that was a stylistic choice or bad paint.

“Our siblings know when I use it, you are the only Hargreeves I’m looking for,” Five says.

+

Another round and Diego stops again. Five’s panting like he’s run a marathon, and the ropes strain around his wrist as he twists away from Diego. Diego lets him go, letting him catch his breath. From this angle, Five’s knees bent just so, Diego has an incredible view of him. “I know,” he soothes, drawing his hand up Five’s flank.

Five keens into it, twisting back. He can’t stop making noise; his breath is loud, as note carried on it from when he outright _yelled_ at Diego when he stopped this time. His mouth is red-bitten, eye-catchingly so, and soft, so Diego kisses him. Five can’t hold him, not with his hands bound above them both, but Diego knows when to stay put, to let Five have him for a while.

His breathing steadies slowly.

“Are you good to keep going?” Diego asks – Five might give, but Diego has to check. Five’s answer is a gentle, quiet ‘fuck’ followed by a nod of his head. Diego reaches down between them to touch Five’s rim, warm and soft from the vibrator; he pushes two fingers in so easily as he kisses Five one last time, blindly seeking for the vibrator in the covers.

Five pushes back into him, earning him an, “Easy,” from Diego’s mouth.

“Take,” he tries but has to stop. “Take your sweats off.”

Diego slips the vibrator back into him, replacing his fingers. Turning it back on, it immediately switches to the highest setting. Five practically bites Diego’s bottom lip in shock, Diego finally responding, “I don’t need to.”

“But I want you to.”

Petulant, even in the midst of everything else – how can Diego say no?

+

So, Five calls him ‘Hargreeves’ sometimes. Some days it’s barely once in the day, Five reaching out with an empty coffee cup as Diego holds the pot, Diego already there and refilling it before Five’s made it fully around ‘Thanks, Hargreeves’ as he reads the paper; other days it’s said what feels like fifty times in thirty minutes, leaving Diego wondering when his first name stopped being the sound Five used to get his attention and if this is partially his own fault for responding to it, moronic and Pavlovian.

And sometimes, Five calls him ‘Diego’.

Like right now, when Diego returns to him, his dick brushing against the curve of Five’s ass and hand settling on Five’s hip. “I want-” he starts, but Five doesn’t particularly seem to have anywhere to go with the statement. Diego still nods, understanding.

This wasn’t the game plan but things rarely go the way Diego planned with Five.

Easing Five onto his back again, Diego positions himself between his legs. Five’s dick throbs, violently red and sore looking on his belly, obscene. The vibrator continues its concussive thrumming against Five’s prostate and by now Five’s previous thigh twitch has turned into full body tremors.

He breathes out, “Holy,” as Diego gently drags the vibrator out of him, “Oh my- fuck.”

“Does it hurt?” Diego asks, concern highlighting his tone.

Five shakes his head sharply on his neck. “No,” then, “yes – I don’t _know._ ” He looks up at Diego so openly, his green eyes wide and wet, on the verge of crying. But so trusting. He hiccups around a sob when Diego fucks the vibrator back into him quickly, contrasting the careful way he slowly extracted it a moment before. “It’s so- much.”

Diego removes the vibrator fully this time. Five tracks it in Diego’s hand, worry crossing his features, stammering out, “But-”

“Hey,” Diego counters, “look at me.” Five breathes in harshly, centring himself in the moment to pull his eyes away. Diego encourages, “Look at me,” and Five does, blinking. A tear trails down his cheek and onto the pillow; Diego wipes it away with the pad of his thumb.

The vibrator butts Five’s leg.

Diego explains, “I’m gonna let you come this time.” Five’s throat works around a thick swallow, nodding despite the lack of question. 

“Please.”

Fuck. Diego smiles. “Do you want me in you when you do?” At that, Five’s face falls. Oh. Shit. No. Diego scrambles, touching his chest to correct his misfire, “Not at the same time, just one or the other.” No, fuck. Not that, not today. Five’s gone enough without _that._

Five flounders, arms moving in an attempt to reach for Diego. The headboard creaks.

“Will I choose?”

Five nods. “Please,” comes out of his mouth again.

“Alright.” Diego shifts him, pulling Five into his lap. He fucks into him all in one go and Five’s head drops to the pillow, face framed by his arms. “Yeah,” Diego agrees, crowding over him, bending Five in the middle so only his shoulders remain touching the bed, “this is what you wanted.”

Five says, “Yeah,” and looks down the line of himself, watching Diego’s dick fucking in and out of him.

“But-”

Five tilts his head back up, eyes touching Diego’s. The vibrator continues to thrum at Five’s hip, wet with lube and the precum Five’s leaking everywhere now. “I think this shouldn’t be left out of the equation.” Five blinks. His mouth falls slack as the head touches his dick. He gasps. Diego takes it lower, drawing a line with it down Five’s dick. The noise from Five in response seems to come from him unconsciously, right from the core of his chest. The vibrator goes lower as Diego keeps fucking him, until he reaches just under Five’s balls.

Another tear streaks down Five’s cheek.

He has to close his eyes. Diego could be mean, tell him to watch – he could tell Five anything right now, ask for anything, and Five would nod – but he knows he’s got the angle right, hitting Five’s prostate from inside and out when his eyes drop shut.

“Do you wanna come?” Diego asks.

Kissing him is not going to work right now, not when Diego’s concentrating, but, fuck, he wants to when Five babbles, “Please, please please _please_ \-- please,” to him, attempting to push his hips to meet Diego’s. His body has gone beyond it, riding a wave of ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ as Diego fucks him deep. “Please?”

“Go on then.”

Diego doesn’t stop, this time. He keeps the vibrator in place, fucking Five until he tightens up just fucking right around Diego’s dick, his dick pulsing his orgasm wetly. It’s a mess and the best thing Diego has ever seen. Five gasps, not stopping, just spilling more and more, quaking in Diego’s arms through it.

“ _Diego._ ”

+

“That wasn’t bad,” Five says, rubbing his wrist in his hand. Diego rolls his eyes – he was there, he saw Five white out with his orgasm. He may not have timed the whole thing but Diego knows it took Five _a while_ to come back from it.

Carefully, he removes Five’s fingers and takes over rubbing Five’s wrist.

“We could do it again, I suppose.” Five adds, “If you like?”

Diego keeps rubbing, gentle around the rise of the bone. Five turns his wrist without being asked, offering his pulse point. “Hargreeves?” he says when Diego is silent for too long.

“Only if you want to,” he agrees.


End file.
